ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
