He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
