so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
