the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
3pm strippers are depressing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
