You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize