good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
even my farts smell like vagina
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
