He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
