I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i drank out of a bidet.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
