We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
