Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize