he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Welp...herpes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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