Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
