Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
