R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
