That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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