What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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