After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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