It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
