i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
