He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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