Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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