You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
