all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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