i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
