im holly from the hills drunk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize