I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
