If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
