I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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