Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my being single is dangerous.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
