Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize