You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
