he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
