Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
