I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
