On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
