you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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