dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
