I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
