Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
