you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
