the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
