That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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