got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
