we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
