Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i came on her dog
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
