I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
