dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
