i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
