We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
