I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
