I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
