I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
