there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
