You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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