I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
