i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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