I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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