But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
