margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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