i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize