; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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