You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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