this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
