I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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