That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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