he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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