You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
