Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
