Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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