highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
