just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
