it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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