Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
