It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
