i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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