Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
