u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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