sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
