I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
