His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
