Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
