Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
