Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
