THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize